Is this what we want for our schools?

No Child Left Behind - Football Version

I am aware that the following analogy has been making its way around the internet for at least two years now through numerous blog posting and e-mail forwards, but felt that I needed to post it here today. It applies the No Child Left Behind Act to the world of football. Consider the students to players, teachers to be coaches and the league to represent administrations, such as local school districts, and the US Education Department.

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probations until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time, even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren’t interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don’t like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game. this will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind. If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.

5. Coaches will receive an entirely new team for every game with whom they have had no previous contact. They will not be allowed to select their players, or even ensure that they all play at a similar proficiency level.

6. Although four quarters of a game are required to be played in order for the game to be completed, the score at the end of the third quarter will be used as the final score.

7. Coaches who win games will be rewarded with monetary bonuses. Coaches who lose games may also their jobs. No incentive is made to increase the skill level of students, only to win games. If it is possible to find a loophole in league rules to disqualify a player, because he is injured, or is used to different signals from the coach, then by all means take advantage of it - exclude the player and do not waste precious time training him.

8. Teams in wealthier areas that are already outfitted with nice facilities, such as clean and safe field and locker rooms, assistant coaches, and specialized training programs will be competing against teams that are forced to practice with deflated balls, broken goalposts, and coaches more suited to synchronized swimming than football. Only by winning championships can teams expect to receive additional funding. But, by losing a single game, teams will have their budget slashed and even face having their team taken away and players dispersed to other teams.

9. The league administration will demand that coaches drill, drill, drill skills into the players. There is no time for activities that do not directly relate to the game. Coaches will instill in players that the only way to win the game is to do the same basic plays over and over again, but no value will be placed on coming up with alternative plays. If players are confronted with a situation that is not in the playbook, and the coach is not present, they will be expected to freeze and await further instructions - independent thought, and initiative are discouraged.